Reviews of what you should be reading next.

Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? by Gina Pera

[easyazon_image add_to_cart=”yes” align=”center” asin=”0981548709″ cloaking=”default” height=”500″ localization=”yes” locale=”US” nofollow=”default” new_window=”default” src=”” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″ width=”333″]


After I read The ADHD Effect on Marriage, I searched for similar books. This one kept popping up and seemed to be highly regarded, so I gave it the highest compliment I could: I purchased a copy.

This book is put together very well, and operates under the premise that ADD is not “so much of a disorder of attention as it is a disorder of self-regulation”, according to psychologist Russell Barkley, who wrote the foreword.  The theme of the book is the ‘roller coaster’ that both ADD’ers and non experience on a daily basis, and so the chapter headings are related to our favorite amusement park rides.  There are three parts; first, what is ADHD and how it affects you/your partner, second, what happens when you hit rock bottom and either decide to get treatment (or not), and three, how to succeed in building your relationship back with different strategies.

As you read, you get the sense that you are part of a support group, as you read other’s stories and get to know what lessons they have learned along the way. The difference between this book and the one I mentioned above, is that this goes into much more detail, with explanations as to WHY these things happen, and HOW to fix them. I found myself highlighting sections, seeing how there are common threads among ADD’ers and their significant others, and even learning more about brain function.  Each chapter contains a few ADHD Partner Snapshot graphs, which show the results of surveys taken from 162 responders.

There are chapters devoted to denial, medications, finances, therapy, co-existing disorders, sex, coping skills, and more. Understanding the spectrum of ADHD takes patience, time, and teamwork, and that is the author’s intent. Where The ADD Effect On Marriage told me about the emotions that ADD’ers experience, this book goes deeper. I learned in real people’s words how they dealt with frustration and despair, and how most (but not all) took steps to regain the love and trust they once felt.

I highly recommend this book, as it gives you strategies and sources for help, without being preachy or too glib. The book concentrates on getting help for both the ADD and non ADD partner, without being too touchy feely. Solutions for issues are discussed from all sides, and are eminently able to accomplish.

Interested? [easyazon_link asin=”0981548709″ locale=”US” new_window=”default” nofollow=”default” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″ add_to_cart=”yes” cloaking=”default” localization=”yes” popups=”yes”]You can pick up a copy here.[/easyazon_link]


  1. Dear Kyle,

    I so appreciate your understanding and “seeing” my intentions for the book. I could not have described it better myself. Thank you!

    I’ve just finished another book (my last!!!): a professional guide for couple therapists treating ADHD-challenged couples. From Routledge, 2015.

    P.S. To this blog’s readers, Kyle and I do not know each other! 🙂

    • Thanks for taking the time to read my review and comment! I did learn a lot from your book and will recommend it to others. The link to my review has been posted on some ADHD groups on Facebook also. Hopefully there will be others interested in reading it. Even if one person’s life is enriched by it, we have both made a difference. 🙂

      • And making a difference is what it’s all about for me, too, Kyle.

        I’ve just returned from Mexico City, where the Spanish translation of my book appeared at a conference. (I donated the rights, to benefit a Mexican non-profit devoted to ADHD.)

        The organizers did not tell me that the book’s reception would include a panel of people who had read the book, talking about it to the several hundred people in attendance and explaining what they have learned about adult ADHD.

        Mostly, the focus in Mexico and Central America has been on children in Mexico, and mainly due to this non-profit: Proyectodah (

        Their words absolutely left me speechless. And the hugs and whispers of gratitude as I signed each book. Wow. It was worth missing out on those tamarind margaritas! 🙂 There is no better privilege for a journalist, to be able to tell a story that elevates people’s lives.


        • Where can I get the Spanish version in the US? My daughter has ADHD and my Puerto Rican son-in-law is in desperate need of help.

          • Kyle Wendy Skultety

            June 29, 2016 at 3:32 pm

            go to Gina’s website and she will be able to give you the information. Good luck!

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