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The ADHD Advantage

July 30, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

Why ADHD could be the key to your success

For decades physicians delivered the diagnosis of ADHD to patients as bad news and warned them about a lifelong struggle of managing symptoms. But The ADHD Advantage explodes this outlook, showing that some of the most highly successful entrepreneurs, leaders, and entertainers have reached the pinnacle of success not in spite of their ADHD but because of it.

Although the ADHD stereotype is someone who can’t sit still, in reality people with ADHD are endlessly curious, often adventurous, willing to take smart risks, and unusually resilient. They are creative, visionary, and entrepreneurial. Sharing the stories of highly successful people with ADHD, Dr. Archer offers a vitally important and inspiring new way to recognize ADHD traits in oneself or in one’s loved ones, and then leverage them to great advantage—without drugs.

As someone who not only has ADHD himself but also has never used medication to treat it, Dr. Archer understands the condition from a unique standpoint. Armed with new science and research, he hopes to generate public interest and even debate with his positive message as he guides the millions of people with ADHD worldwide toward a whole new appreciation of their many strengths and full innate potential.

As a reviewer of multiple ADHD books, I was eager to see what this author had to say.
Unfortunately, I was not impressed. The book seems to be padded with lots of stories about those “lucky” enough to have ADHD and had the ability to spend time traveling around the world and failing at multiple jobs before finding the “right” place for them. Not everyone has the money or the support to do this. That is not how the average person with ADHD lives. Moreover, that solution could have been illustrated with a few stories, not over and over again in each chapter. At some point, it goes from inspiring to overkill.
Archer is a big proponent of no drugs for ADHD’ers. I agree that children should be evaluated carefully and not just have pills thrown at them, but the idea of everyone not needing medication is absurd. The author has a series of questions that determine where you are on the ADHD scale, and claims that anyone that is an 8 or lower (out of 10) does not need medication. I feel that would make for a lot of frustrated people.
He also postulates that ADHD’ers are resilient and can deal with failure well, because their constant failure makes them stronger. I can also tell you that is patently untrue, as I live with an ADHD’er and his failures just make him depressed.
If you are a person with lots of money and a personal assistant to take care of the minutiae of daily living, then you will agree with what Archer has to say.
Otherwise–pass this one up, take your meds, and get on with your life.

Want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”1594633517″ locale=”US” nw=”y” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Jess Under Pressure by E. Graziani

July 28, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

You didn’t know? You seem like a perceptive, aware woman. You’re a doctor of psychology and sociology. You have a book on the bestseller list about women and coping – and you didn’t know?”

Dr. Jessica Britton’s life sparkles with the sheen of success and happiness. Her bestselling book, “Give More, Do More, Be Better!”, modelled after her own life experiences, inspires readers all over the world to achieve a perfectly balanced lifestyle that includes career, family, and happiness.

This happiness is shattered when Jess’s husband is killed in a fatal car accident, leaving Jess with the shocking truth that her perfect life was nothing more than a carefully veiled wall of illusion.

Consumed by grief for more than her dead husband, Jess unexpectedly leaves Toronto after a particularly grueling interview and finds herself in the small town of Gananoque.

Broken, impaired, and in desperate need of healing, Jess is rescued by Susie, who takes her home, and helps her deal with her situation by letting her know that no one has the perfect life, but everyone can work through their issues and come out stronger on the other side with the right kind of support.

Thanks to Jennifer at Morning Rain Publishing for offering me this book for review. You can visit the author’s page here.

Sometimes women spend their time tearing each other down, rather than building each other up. This book is delightful in that it shows strong women, bonding and spending quality time together, in a real environment. Sure, there are those that delight in the character Jess’ fall from grace, but her new found friends give her the strength to ignore them and discover who she really is.

The first part of the book shows us Jess spending her time in the spotlight, talking about her book and the success it has been. Suddenly, her life spins into a tragic abyss: her husband dies and her children are angry and distant. Jess goes from the top of the world to the bottom, battling depression and self doubt. This could happen to anyone, and the author makes Jess a sympathetic character, someone who is able to help others easily but does not have the answers when it comes to her own problems.

I was quite touched by the love Susie’s friends showed Jess. There was a bit of shock, as Susie introduced the fallen idol to the group, but after a few false starts she was welcomed in and cared for. The scene where all the women shared their personal struggle was quite poignant–I could feel the love!

Graziani has composed a sort of self help book: by reading about the goodness of others and seeing how fictional Jess was able to heal herself, I was cheered up and had more faith in the human race. I know there have been many circumstances where strangers have been kind enough to care for someone struggling through a hard time, but this is such a good feeling way to read about it. The style is a bit different from Graziani’s other book, [easyazon_link identifier=”B00NMNQNOO” locale=”US” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]ALICE OF THE ROCKS[/easyazon_link], but just as readable. The plot is not too complicated, so the message and the intent shines clearly through.

I hope others are able to feel hope and positivity after they finish JESS UNDER PRESSURE. It starts out sad and bleak, but finishes strong. The message is perfect, without being too heavy handed.

Want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”B00WN3NEK0″ locale=”US” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

The Doll Collector by Edward J. Jakubik

July 21, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

Follow Special Crimes Unit Detective Beck McManus and his hunt for the Doll Collector. Six little girls—each about to turn seven years old—go missing in broad daylight without a trace. McManus and his long-time partner, Evan Graves, are tapped to head the investigation despite virulent protests from the police commissioner, who cites McManus’ own daughter’s kidnapping three years prior as evidence of his unsuitability. That case was never solved, and his daughter’s disappearance nearly cost Beck his career—and his sanity.

Many thanks to the author for gifting me this book! And thanks to my friend Jackie for suggesting it to me!

The characters and plot in this book were completely up my alley, and once I started reading this, I couldn’t put it down. I love a killer with a twisted background, and Jakubik does not disappoint with this sadistic kidnapper.

The character of Beck McManus is authentic, and the police procedural action is spot on. Especially nice for me was the setting of Jersey City, one town over from my hometown. The description of the area is perfect, adding to the gritty atmosphere.

There is some strife going on within the police department, as always. The Commissioner is loath to keep McManus as investigator on the Doll Collector case, and with good reason. The beleaguered cop has some demons that surface now and again, and this case may be the one to push him over the edge.

All the plotlines mesh well and keep the action going; the case, the backbiting, a bit of romance (not too much, which was great), horrifying detail of what the Doll Collector does with his poor victims, and a few shocking plot twists that impressed me and upset me at the same time. I’d love to know where the idea for this madman came from—it’s absolutely brilliant.

The only complaint I have, albeit minor, is that the author chose a lot of unique names for his characters, and I had to adjust to the oddity. Not the worst thing in the world, but it was harder for me to remember who everyone was in the beginning, since they all had unusual names!

Otherwise, I have nothing but good to say about this book. Jakubik should seriously consider making a series around McManus. There is truly enough talent here to support more books, and I can even see this being made into a movie as well.

If you are a fan of Thomas Harris or any other writer of psychological thrillers, please run to grab this book. You will not be disappointed, nor will you be able to get the crazed Doll Collector out of your mind anytime soon.

Yes, you want your own copy. You can pick it up[easyazon_link identifier=”1494204436″ locale=”US” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Mistake Creek by Rachel Amphlett

July 17, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

When Nina O’Brien returns to the small town of Mistake Creek after ten years, she’s in a race against time to protect her father’s business from an incoming storm so it can be sold to pay for his urgent medical treatment.
As flood warnings echo over the radio and the storm breaks with enormous force across the tiny Californian community, Nina is joined by others seeking shelter from the onslaught.
Her life is changed forever when a stranger appears at her door, bloodied and incoherent.
With a ruthless killer exposed among the small group, Nina is thrust into a deadly conspiracy involving a military veteran seeking revenge and an FBI agent desperate to prevent a catastrophic terrorism threat.
Alone, with no means to raise the alarm, Nina realises that to save one man, she must learn to trust another.

Thanks to the author for giving me this book in exchange for a review.

MISTAKE CREEK is a thriller with lots of action. In the first part, a violent storm traps lead character Nina and a few others inside her family’s abandoned gas station. When people start dying, she finds out that a family friend is involved in an FBI sting operation. The action picks up even more after that, as Nina and FBI agent Kyle must escape from the gas station and prevent a terrorist from carrying out his plan. There are thrilling motorcycle rides, close escapes, and plenty of death and destruction as the book goes on.

Nina is a strong woman, not interested in being left behind while Kyle tries to save the day. Despite her asthma, she holds her own. Amphlett treats her characters equally; no shrinking violet females in her books! Even as a hint of romance stirs between Nina and Kyle, the action continues and soon the duo are fighting for their lives. There is a bit of MacGuyver in the FBI agent Kyle’s character, as he constructs bombs and figures out what household items make good weapons.

I felt suspense as I kept reading; would they be able to prevent disaster, or would they encounter it themselves? Amphlett is also not afraid to kill her characters–Nina’s family friend sustains serious wounds and you won’t find out until the end of the book if he lives or dies. Adding to the tension is the fact that Kyle is not able to use one of his arms well due to a shoulder injury he got in the first few pages.

Once things start rolling, MISTAKE CREEK is a straightforward read, with characters you can’t help but root for. I especially enjoyed the gleam in Kyle’s eyes every time he got ready to engage in combat…what a unique touch! The scenario is completely believeable, and it was easy to picture the surroundings in my mind, due to the author’s excellent eye for detail. Her description of the torrential storm in the beginning was fantastic. I was surprised to find myself not soaked and windblown, the narrative was that picturesque.

This book is another winner from Rachel Amphlett–do you want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”B00X24VMOO” locale=”US” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

The Real Doctor Will See You Shortly by Matt McCarthy

July 14, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

In medical school, Matt McCarthy dreamed of being a different kind of doctor—the sort of mythical, unflappable physician who could reach unreachable patients. But when a new admission to the critical care unit almost died his first night on call, he found himself scrambling. Visions of mastery quickly gave way to hopes of simply surviving hospital life, where confidence was hard to come by and no amount of med school training could dispel the terror of facing actual patients.

This funny, candid memoir of McCarthy’s intern year at a New York hospital provides a scorchingly frank look at how doctors are made, taking readers into patients’ rooms and doctors’ conferences to witness a physician’s journey from ineptitude to competence. McCarthy’s one stroke of luck paired him with a brilliant second-year adviser he called “Baio” (owing to his resemblance to the Charles in Charge star), who proved to be a remarkable teacher with a wicked sense of humor. McCarthy would learn even more from the people he cared for, including a man named Benny, who was living in the hospital for months at a time awaiting a heart transplant. But no teacher could help McCarthy when an accident put his own health at risk, and showed him all too painfully the thin line between doctor and patient.

The Real Doctor Will See You Shortly offers a window on to hospital life that dispenses with sanctimony and self-seriousness while emphasizing the black-comic paradox of becoming a doctor: How do you learn to save lives in a job where there is no practice?

Not all doctors come with the confidence and arrogance familiar to us all. Every one of them started out the same way – new graduates in their intern year, struggling to assimilate their textbook knowledge with real life. Matt McCarthy shares his experience in a self deprecating and sometimes comic way.

Taking place over a year’s time, THE REAL DOCTOR WILL SEE YOU SHORTLY shows the reader how McCarthy matures as a doctor and as a self-aware human. He was so awkward and hesitant in the beginning, I wondered if he was going to make it through the year. At times I wondered what made him so timid. There was a career decision elaborated upon early in the book, and I was disappointed in his choice. I truly felt he made the wrong move, given his character and personality. In the final part of the book, he addresses that choice and why he made it. Those words provided some sort of closure for me and I finally agreed with his decision. In his own words:

But as the year wore on, I developed the ability to think outside the diagnosis, beyond the science of medicine to the art of medicine. I discovered that there is so much more to being a doctor than ordering tests and dispensing medications. And there is no way to teach that. It simply takes time and repetition.

…I was meant to do whatever the hell you’d call the extraordinary stuff we did at Columbia. Intern year had fundamentally changed me–it had altered the way I viewed the world and myself–and it was unquestionably the most fun I never wanted to have again.

Patients and cases are outlined, some with great detail, others just to show what lessons he was learning. One of the complaints I have is that some patients’ stories end abruptly with McCarthy never seeing the person again; others just aren’t followed up on. I understand that real life is like that, and these patients are composites of many; but I grew frustrated with things not being tied up neatly. Two cases that loomed large in the author’s life: Benny Santos and Carl Gladstone are featured in almost every chapter, as they illustrate just how far things have progressed over the year. Others, like “Dre” and asthmatic Darryl, just vanish into the night.

That really is my only issue with THE REAL DOCTOR. McCarthy’s writing is easy to follow, and pulls no punches in showing the lay person how hard doctors work and the struggles, internal and external, they face on a daily basis. There is a minimum of gory details, and the medical jargon is easy to grasp. Nor is there the overly glib, broadly humorous style I’ve seen in other books. That was a relief, as I think that takes away from the truly serious nature of the subject

This was a good addition to my “true medical stories” bookshelf. Want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”0804138656″ locale=”US” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review. Check out the author’s page here.

Praise Her, Praise Diana by Anne Rothman-Hicks and Kenneth Hicks

July 10, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 1 Comment

Call it life imitating art—author Maggie Edwards publishes a chapter of a book detailing seduction, murder and castration by a protagonist named Diana, and suddenly a woman code-named Diana begins to mimic her actions in real time. Women who have been abused find Diana to be an inspirational figure, and begin to fight back in her name. Soon violence erupting throughout New York City threatens to spiral out of control. As the police try desperately to identify Diana, Maggie’s high-powered lawyer, Jane Larson, finds herself at the center of an investigation that threatens to upend the entire world around her.

Many thanks to the authors for providing this book in exchange for a review!

This book is intense. Everything about it is almost larger than life and dramatic—-the women with their desire to show the misogynists of the world how it feels to be afraid, Maggie and Jane’s internal struggle to come to terms with who they really are, the slowly dying figurehead of a feminist group who feels abandoned, and the utter violence that takes place again and again.

There are many subplots within this book. The main story is about Diana and the fervor with which she stirs up the city of New York. Also taking place is the story of a woman abused by her police officer boyfriend, the growing feelings between Maggie and Jane; Maggie’s past; the “book within a book” novel that Maggie is writing; and a militant feminist named Judith who hates all men (she calls them “Mr Pigs”) and doesn’t hesitate to turn to violence to make her point.

Judith was the hardest character for me to grasp. I wasn’t sure if I loved her or hated her at times, for her behavior was alternately strident and caring. In the beginning I thought of her as a fringe nutter, but as the book progressed she popped up at crucial times and came to other women’s aid. Brilliantly written.

Maggie and Jane bring a lot of personal drama to the book, and while I totally supported why they behaved the way they did, I grew weary of the push-pull dynamic. I wanted to say to both of them: COMMUNICATE!

Finally, the violence. Anyone who has ever felt fear, or suffered a physical attack by a man, has probably wanted to seek revenge in the way Diana does– with torture and castration. There were a few internal cheers on my end as catcalling men got their comeuppance from Judith and Co., for sure. The authors pull no punches in describing Maggie’s past, or how emotions can sway reason (in the case of the woman domestically abused, yet still in love with her boyfriend). All throughout these subplots, the violence simmers in the background, like a pot about to boil over. The brutality is never far away, even if the scene is just women enjoying coffee or a night out. The threat lingers, a presence lurking in the shady corners.

I feel conflicted about this book. On one hand, the addressing of misogyny is extremely important. However, I felt that the characters and their behavior at times overshadowed this message. I found myself thinking again and again that some of the women were fulfilling the stereotypical “flaky lesbian” types, bringing the drama and their lack of communication. Do women really behave this way? I suppose there are that do (and those that don’t), but I felt that the juxtaposition of the two was harsh and took a great deal away from the caveats illustrated by the authors.

I may be in the minority on this. I do feel that the ideas put forth are solid and very necessary, and so will recommend this book on the grounds that everyone needs to be aware of the evil women face on a daily basis, just for being themselves.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

You can pick up your copy [easyazon_link identifier=”1612359442″ locale=”US” nw=”y” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Exposure: A sociologist explores sex, society, and adult entertainment by Chauntelle Tibbals

July 7, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

In Exposure: A Sociologist Explores Sex, Society, and Adult Entertainment, Chauntelle Tibbals exposes readers to one of the most mysterious businesses and significant subcultures shaping our modern world porn. Adult entertainment is a part of us – it’s a hugely influential component of our culture. Like it or not, it partially shapes who we are as a society. And we as a society help shape it right back. Porn takes on our sexual desires and dreams, often in ways that we’re uncomfortable with.

Tibbals takes us through her own process from precocious Southern California girl to marginalized sociology Ph.D. student to renowned adult industry expert. She shares her adventures and observations often hilarious, occasionally heartbreaking, and always enlightening in order to give us a nuanced look at a community that’s simultaneously influential and reviled, powerful and stigmatized. From the altered reality of pornographic film sets to wildly inappropriate fans at trade shows, Tibbals has seen it all. And she will be the first person to tell you: the adult industry is nothing like you’d expect. It’s a world that deals in sex and is shrouded in mystery but is ultimately no different from any other.

Thanks to author Chauntelle Tibbals and NetGalley for offering this advance review copy! EXPOSURE will be published July 7, 2015.

If you are looking for a salacious, tell-all expose on the world of porn–this isn’t it. What it IS: an intelligent and thought provoking view into the business of sexy movies. Tibbals supports this world yet doesn’t agree with it fully, a concept I found refreshing. It’s difficult to walk that fine line between “not my kind of stuff” and revulsion, and the author maintains her position as IN the world, not OF it. This position helps to create credibility and honesty.

Censoring attitudes almost prevented Tibbals from obtaining her degree; her advisor was hostile and passive aggressive, her peers wondered what was wrong with her. Why is a nice girl like you getting involved with such filth is the undertone of the first part, as Tibbals details her struggle to defend her choices. I found it repugnant in this enlightened day and age, that an advisor could hold such power over a student’s choice, a choice that was not hurting anyone.

Good thing that Tibbals marched to the beat of her own drum. Eventually she found her way and began her thesis in earnest. Substitute any other subject for porn, and what you have is how she went about gathering information. As the industry accepted her, not as a gawker, but as a true supporter seeking understanding through knowledge, Tibbals befriended the megastars and watched literally hundreds of films. (Did you know they have their own version of the Oscars for porn films? I didn’t either.)

As she gained respect by showing respect, Tibbals found herself in many situations: watching films shot from behind the scenes, hanging out with some of the actors, and sitting as a judge for the aforementioned films awards. She explains her “walking the line” mentality with an anecdote about a movie that was esthetically sound, but directed by an unsavory character. She struggled with trying to separate the fact that she loathed the director while appreciating the film for what it was: shot beautifully, with a plot that made sense and was actually engaging to watch. I was quite impressed by her self awareness and willingness to share the truth, even if she didn’t personally approve/like it.

You must go into this book with an open mind, similar to the author watching those movies. As the blurb notes, porn is “just another business” and this is an insider’s view. Sex is such a hot button topic in America, and it shouldn’t be. I applaud the author’s temerity and her vociferous support for this area of our society; the part of our culture everyone has an opinion about, yet hesitates to defend.

This societal dichotomy persists with a section on how these porn stars are alternately worshipped and reviled: when the girls make appearances at trade shows (much like authors or sports figures do) their “fans” will wait in line to see them, fawning over their beauty. Once they get their audience with Tammy Tawdry, however, they will call them “sluts” or ask if their daddy is proud of what they do. This is a perfect example of the double standard and pervasive misogyny that is a staple of our society. Women walk a fine line with their sexuality; the male stars are purported as heroes with staying power, and the girls are just an object to be used. Tibbals is dead on with this chapter.

Her writing style is easy to follow and often humorous. She makes no apology for who she is or how she got there; and I found that refreshing and empowering. Being a maverick is often lonely and frustrating, but usually has its rewards. I sincerely hope Tibbals is recouping hers now.

Want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”1626341931″ locale=”US” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

They Call Me Crazy by Kelly Stone Gamble

June 30, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 1 Comment

Cass Adams is crazy, and everyone in Deacon, Kansas, knows it. But when her good-for-nothing husband, Roland, goes missing, no one suspects that Cass buried him in their unfinished koi pond. Too bad he doesn’t stay there for long. Cass gets arrested on the banks of the Spring River for dumping his corpse after heavy rain partially unearths it.

The police chief wants a quick verdict—he’s running for sheriff and has no time for crazy talk. But like Roland’s corpse, secrets start to surface, and they bring more to light than anybody expected. Everyone in Cass’s life thinks they know her—her psychic grandmother, her promiscuous ex-best friend, her worm-farming brother-in-law, and maybe even her local ghost. But after years of separate silences, no one knows the whole truth. Except Roland. And he’s not talking.

Thanks to the author for gifting me this book in exchange for this review!

Sometimes I get review requests and I’m not sure I’ll like the book, but something tells me to take a chance anyway. THEY CALL ME CRAZY was one of those. I did some brief research and discovered that Goodreads had excellent reviews, so I took a gamble. I’m so glad I did! Well written and a shining example of the Southern Noir genre, this was a fantastic ride.

The chapters are all told in the perspective of each of the characters, which makes everyone a pretty unreliable narrator. Cass herself is also unreliable, as she is determined to be the “crazy” one early on. She routinely denigrates her husband, while others who know him paint him as a wonderful man. Those characters who appear as shining paradigms may or may not turn out to be the bad guys—you just have to read it and see for yourself.

Cass is a pretty sympathetic character right off the bat, despite her townsfolk attesting to the contrary. She is just marching to the beat of her own drummer and is comfortable there. She is definitely one of the most colorful characters I’ve come across this year.

The author’s knowledge of country towns and their foibles make the tale sing—her descriptions of the houses, hobbies, weather, and people’s sartorial choices place the reader firmly in the middle of Anytown, Kansas. You get just a whiff of desperation in the background; those who have not managed to escape to A Big City are resigned to make life as interesting as they can, while tearing down poor old crazy Cass. All through the book she maintains her guilt, telling anyone who is willing to listen that, of course, she DID kill her husband. How this story was going to be wrapped up was a big question in my mind as I read on. The author does not disappoint–the ending is just to the left of center and quite satisfying.

As the reader begins to understand the entire story (by piecing together everyone’s separate version of the truth), THEY CALL ME CRAZY turns into quite the delicious story; like one of those chocolate truffles that have many layers and then a sweet nougat at the center. Completely satisfying, humorous, and suspenseful, this unassuming story will make you think twice about those people in your life that seem just a little odd.

Want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”1940215412″ locale=”US” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson, PsyD

June 25, 2015 / Michael Nail / 0 Comments

If you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent, you may have lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment. You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior. These wounds can be healed, and youcan move forward in your life.

In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

Discover the four types of difficult parents:

The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety. The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone. The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting. The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory.

In Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (Called ACoEIP hereafter), Lindsay Gibson, PsyD, has provided an exceptional resource for people who grew up lonely within the company of their families.

To preface my review of her book, I must mention that the issue coping with immature parents, resonates strongly with me. I was fortunate enough to know in advance of reading this book that I was a part of its target audience. However, Gibson wisely acknowledges that most of her target audience will believe that their childhood experiences are normal, and that whatever problems they might have had seeking attention growing up was, and still is, their own responsibility to bear.

I would have felt this way not too long ago, and you may feel the same. If a person’s upbringing is likely to seem normal to them even in the absence of a meaningful parent-child emotional connection, how would a potential reader know that a book like this would be for them?

Below is a selection of statements that Gibson includes early on in the book to determine if you are in her target audience. If you find yourself nodding your head while reading these, then ACoEIP may deserve a place on your reading list.

“I was trying harder to understand my parent than my parent was trying to understand me.”

“I always felt that my parent thought I was too emotional or sensitive.”

“My parent rarely apologized or tried to improve the situation when there was a problem between us.”

For most peoples’ childhoods, some of these statements were true some of the time. For some people, these kinds of statements describe the general tenor of life childhood life. That kind of childhood leaves a lot of emotional baggage.

For some, the fallout of such a childhood is that you internalize. Consider this example: You may get yourself into relationships with others where you forego your own wants and needs as the price of admission for respect from the other. You may find yourself filling the requests of others, never asking favors for yourself. Why? Well, if your parents generally reprised you when you expressed desires, then keeping your wants and needs to yourself would be an expected learned behavior. The danger here is that you’ll look at yourself one day, always giving of yourself to others and letting people walk all over you, and decide that you must be a fool, or that you’re just weak, or some other self-diminishing thing. You would be terribly wrong, and a book like this one finds its greatest value in showing its readers why.

The example above is just one of many. The pages of ACoEIP are stuffed to the margins with relatable stories that are never too long, nor too simplified. Gibson speaks with a knowledgeable tone, but without pretense. Her diverse personal background of reading, life experience, and administering therapy shows in her concise writing style. I would not fault her for including more examples that I might have expected from a book like this because none of the examples feel like padding. All of them add unique value to the segments in which they appear.

Even if you’re not sure that this book is for you, I recommend it. If, while reading it, you decide that it isn’t, you will still gain a window into the hearts of those in your life to whom this book does speak.

Want your own copy? Click [easyazon_link identifier=”1626251703″ locale=”US” nw=”y” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

June 23, 2015 / Kyle Wendy Skultety / 0 Comments

An essential exploration of why and how women’s sexuality works—based on groundbreaking research and brain science—that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy. Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never exist—but as a result of the research that’s gone into it, scientists in the last few year have learned more about how women’s sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.

I won this book through a Goodreads giveaway! Thanks to Emily Nagoski and Simon & Schuster for contributing the book in exchange for an honest review.

There are many books out there claiming to be the best source of knowledge about the female body; but this one is pretty much on the money. Nagoski talks honestly about what women experience, and why. Her tenet is: we are all alike, but different, we are all normal.

Women may get their knowledge from social media, and therefore have an unrealistic image to live up to. Women may feel “broken” because their bodies don’t react the way they think they should. This feeling is insidious and permeates the brain and hinders sexual pleasure.

Nagoski explains that women have a “brake” and an “accelerator” and that they need to be aware of what hits them, in essence. She talks about “spectatoring” (thinking about yourself in a denigrating way during sex, effectively hitting your brake) and discusses how to love your body.

COME AS YOU ARE is an uplifting, celebrating, and positive book that all women should read. The ideas she puts forth are simple, and she includes worksheets and questions in the book that the reader can use to help them along their journey to better self awareness.

The author includes a chapter on anatomy, which is very thorough and should educate even the most sexually aware person! She also debunks the myths that women’s pleasure is secondary to men’s, or that the purpose of a female is just to procreate. Her message gives women power on every page.

Intertwined with Nagoski’s wisdom are 4 fictional women, each experiencing a different problem. As the book progresses, each woman’s relationship progresses, concurrent with what the author is saying. This way the reader can see how the principles are applied in real life.

What makes this book different from other self help books is that the solutions are put forth for both the mind and the body. It won’t matter if your sex drive is low or high, as the tenets will make many women feel better, both about themselves and about what they feel. Education goes a long way, and this is the author’s aim: to let women know they are normal, while teaching them why this is so. There can be no better message, especially in these times where the average female has a lot of negativity surrounding her. Every woman should read this book, then give it to their partner. There would be more happiness in the world if that occurred.

Want your own copy? You can pick it up [easyazon_link identifier=”B00LD1ORBI” locale=”US” nw=”y” tag=”gimmethatbook-20″]here[/easyazon_link].